My boyfriend said he would be home from Spain on the 6th, so I’ve been really low lately. But last night, someone knocked on our door and I flew to answer it. There he was, grinning stupidly, while I stood there in shock. I ran at him, wrapping my arms around him, and he lifted me into the air. To be in his arms again, to finally have him close after weeks of longing was too perfect to forget.

Most amazing night.

I fucked up, I know. I’m not perfect, I’m nowhere near it. No matter what, I always say the wrong things and I never know how to fix it. I’m sorry I messed you up. I kept leading you on and then we kissed and then I rejected you and then I lead you on again. And the worst part is that I didn’t even realize I was leading you on again until two days ago. So I’m sorry. I’m sorry I messed with your life, I’m sorry I said we were alike because we’re not. You are so much stronger than I am, so much of a tougher person. I know, you don’t think you are, but that’s because you’ve been so used to feeling destroyed. You have a lot to offer the world, so please don’t put up any more walls.

I’m sorry. I know it’s too late. I accept that we’re done, because I know I can’t have you in my life as a friend. Honestly I don’t even want to go back to what we were before, because it only ends with you getting hurt. And me fucking up.

I just felt like I owed you an apology.